My Mother: She Who Shall Not Be Named
In this house my mother is known as Voldemort, A.K.A. – the b*#!$ who shall not be named. Now, before my readers get all in a huff over my choice to call my mother this awful name, please read the entire post and see if you don’t come to the same conclusion in the end. I am not going to whine about how awful my childhood was (although, awful is a nice way of putting it). I feel you will only need read of my ridiculous adult relationship with Voldemort to understand why she has earned such a disrespectful title.
Let me start by first telling you that Voldemort is a narcissist. She makes every single happening about her. She lives for the drama. Somehow in the end, she makes herself out to be the victim. She relishes in the redundant cycle of constant chaos, which she either creates herself or pushes her way into. When a round of chaos is over, she will sit back and enjoy the pity from outsiders as she plays the victim. Starting to get the picture yet?
Need examples?
Voldemort is in the habit of disowning anyone who will not follow her fantastic notions without fail. For this reason, I have been disowned several times over my thirty-plus years. The first time she disowned me, I was seventeen. Voldemort had told me a time and place to meet her and then left me downtown with my friend. She then went to work for the day. My friend and I were up to our usual innocent shenanigans for the day, as spending the day downtown was a normal routine for us. Voldemort decided to come to our meeting place a few hours early. Because she was early, I was not waiting there for her. I was in a restaurant two blocks away, enjoying my lunch. I remember the day being great. Then the time came to meet Voldemort. She was furious with me and I didn’t know why. She told me to pack a bag because I was going to live with my father. She drove me across the state line without telling me what was going on. She paused in dad’s driveway just long enough to grab my bag and exit the car….she then left without even saying goodbye. I was completely heartbroken and confused. What had I done to deserve this abandonment? I later discovered Voldemort convinced my family that she caught me running away. What I had to say did not matter. It did not matter that I was not trying to run away, people believed her lies and my father basically kept me on lock down for a LONG time. I still do not know what had set her off to begin with, but I was the one who gave in and pretty much apologized to her for nothing. She had everyone believing terrible lies about me and she was the one who got the apology from me and the pity from everyone else because her daughter was seen as a delinquent.
The next time she had disowned me, I was twenty two and going through a divorce. Until my divorce, I was on speaking terms with Voldemort but we weren’t exactly close. When she learned of my plan to leave my husband, she offered to help. I took her up on her offer. I wish I hadn’t allowed her in at that point. Voldemort intervened with my divorce, causing more heartache than my difficult divorce would have caused had she not involved herself. She insisted on “being there” for me throughout every hearing but what she actually wanted was to be present to cause more drama in the courtroom. I gave in and got nothing from my divorce because I just wanted everything to be said and done. I didn’t want to keep fighting over the trivial things. I just wanted my son and I to be away from my ex. Voldemort was not happy with me for allowing him to walk all over me. When I wouldn’t “play her games” with my ex, Voldemort was done with me. She then sided with my ex, saying I was a mentally unstable liar. The following week, she called child protective services and told them I was leaving my son with a young child for days at a time, while I was busy vacationing. She also told them that I was abusing my son. The investigation was dropped after just one visit. There were no marks on him to back up her story of abuse and I had my work schedule to prove I had been working overtime just to keep up with the bills. I was so relieved the CPS worker saw through her lies right away, but I was still very embarrassed.
I couldn’t believe she would go this low to hurt me!
She eventually weeded out the rest of my family with her lies and I had only my son and a couple friends from work to keep me company. Voldemort eventually tried ruining my friendships with coworkers and my job itself. She started showing up at my place of employment and threatening me. She would say I was a terrible mom and she was going to take my child from me. She also said I would be living on the streets because I was worthless and no one would help me. After she was told to stay out of the building, by my employers, she started waiting by my car at the end of my shifts. One day, she got to me and I yelled back at her instead of ignoring her threats and just leaving. A co-worker gave her a choice to either leave the premises or have the authorities remove her from the premises. She left before the police arrived. The following week, I had to find a new sitter because Voldemort had begun harassing her when my son was there. The new sitter charged more money and I was barely getting by before we had lost the cheaper sitter. Her next action was to call my place of employment and tell them I was on drugs. Of course, that call had to be investigated and I lost a day of pay due to waiting for drug test results. She would do anything she could to harm me. Years went by before I had spoken to her again.
Again, I was the one who caved.
My sister had convinced me to try a relationship with Voldemort again. I shouldn’t have given in. I regret not being stronger then. We were on speaking terms for about four years. Throughout those four years, she caused fights between family members and caused issues for me whenever she could (like telling me she would bring dinner for my kid when I was very ill and then not showing or answering phone calls). She constantly pitted my sister against me with lies and manipulation. I never understood how my sister could buy into her stories as often as she had. My sister knew Voldemort was a con-artist and yet she stuck by Voldemort’s side. I carry resentment toward my sister because of her loyalty to Voldemort. I always hoped she would one day have my back and stand up for me, her little sister. I’m still waiting for that day to come.
The next split from Voldemort came when I tried to move with my children, to a different state. I had two children at this point….my son and a daughter to my boyfriend of six years. My ex husband wouldn’t allow me to take my son out of state and filed for custody, causing me to stay put. Voldemort joined forces with my ex, once again, to take his side in court. She did not want me to leave this state. She had recently taken up residence in my home state and didn’t want me leaving. She went to court on his behalf and again told many lies, causing the judge to give my ex split custody of my son. Until this time, my son had very minimal contact with his father. This change was traumatic for my son and for me. Voldemort did not get exactly what she had wanted(my son taken from me), but she did cause enough pain to satisfy her for a few more years. Her lies were so outrageous that even my lawyer was appalled at the judges belief of them. The judge actually said, she couldn’t believe a mother would speak out against her child and that is what caused her to believe Voldemort. Forget that the lies were so incredible that they didn’t even make sense….let’s just go with the mother because what mother would lie about her daughter! I still to this day cannot fathom how a judge could make a decision like that based on the testimony Voldemort had given. I understand that not many mother’s would treat their child like mine had treated me and it is difficult for good people to comprehend my circumstances, but I felt I was being judged before the hearing had taken place. Simply because my mother was on the opposite side. My son is the one who has suffered for it.
The last time I was disowned, will be the very last time. Voldemort will not have another opportunity to come back into my or my children’s life. I don’t know why I accepted her back after the pain she had caused my son during the court debacle. I was nice to Voldemort because of my sister. I have wanted a close relationship with my sister my whole life and Voldemort comes with her. No Voldemort, no sister. This time I am stronger, wiser, and supported by my husband. This time I can let go and be okay with my decision to remain separated from my mother.
This final time, she put it all out there on the internet, for all family and friends to see. She thinks she bested me but, honestly, I think she finally just showed the world what an idiot she is. Voldemort became mad at me because I wouldn’t tell her the date of my son’s appointment with a specialist. She was calling all hours of the night and waking up my entire household. If no one answered, she would keep calling until someone did. She is such an embarrassment and a know-it-all around doctors. I am not an ignorant child. I did not need her input into my child’s health. She would have made an already stressful day even more stressful, so I chose not to tell her the date of the appointment. I really did not want her showing up at the appointment.
My discretion caused her to become very erratic.
Voldemort called everyone she thought she could use to hurt me….my sister, my dad, my grandparents, my friends….She spread lies about my husband and me. She told anyone who would listen, my husband was controlling and he was a “warlord cult leader.” She said the kids and I were abused and our minds were brainwashed to follow his cult-like ways. One day she called to inform me, “my husband was controlling and I needed to stop listening to him.” That was the day I had finally had enough. I told her off and said she needed to apologize to my husband. I knew that she would never apologize. To my knowledge, she has never apologized to anyone. The expression “That would be a cold day in Hell”, fits aptly in this scenario.
Voldemort went on to verbally attack and harass my family and I for months. Then one day, my husband reached out to her. He was tired of seeing me suffer from her misconducts. My husband asked for her to show a little respect by not calling all hours of the night, by not showing up whenever she felt like it (again, all hours of the night), and he felt she should apologize to me. He did this without my knowledge. In the beginning, I was upset with his actions. I was afraid of what Voldemort would do because of his attempt to corral her. He did not understand her as well as I did. She disowned my family by a Facebook post. Her words in that post were so incredibly demeaning to not only me but my children and husband. I was humiliated. Her lies about me were spread on the internet.
THAT WAS LOW.
I thought even for someone like her, that post was a dirty thing to do. I really couldn’t believe she had stooped that low. She has since continued to slander me. I lost most of my family due to her continuous lies. People have been told I am a drug addict who lives with a cult leader and we practice witchcraft, making sacrifices to the devil. I am most certainly not a drug user, nor are we into witchcraft. She has a vivid imagination. The sad part is, I feel she truly believes the lies she concocts.
I used to keep my children in the dark about how poor of a mother Voldemort has been. This time, I allowed my oldest two to read everything she said. I want my kids to understand why I am keeping her out of our lives. They can decide if they want to contact her- when they have their own home, of course. By then they will be old enough to make their own decisions. I just hope they remember the warnings I have given them because she will do the same things to them. She has already started to treat my niece the same way she treats me. Such a shame. She is missing out on some really great people. My little ones do not know who Voldemort is. I used to feel guilt for keeping my children from their grandmother, but I am relieved they will grow up not having her stirring trouble for them.
I realize there is always two sides to every story and this is just my side. I realize many will not believe what I have written to be true. I am not putting my thoughts out there to be justified by others. I am putting my stories out there for the ones who understand me…..the children of a narcissistic parent. If you read this and see why my mother has earned the title of Voldemort, then you have probably known someone like my mother. Maybe you’ve been hurt by someone like my mother? If so, I hope you find comfort in knowing you are not alone.
