Happy Freakin’ Covid Christmas

I have hit my limit with 2020. December ended my streak of quietly pushing through to the new year finish line. You might think it strange but what finally broke me was my Christmas tree. I have only had this pre-lit tree for a couple of years. One tiny section of lights is all I can get working, no matter what “fix” I try. Even my tree wasn’t prepared for what 2020 has planned.

I snapped at my in-laws amid trying to resolve my tree lighting problem. Now, I know my in-laws were trying (in their own annoying way) to help, but were doing nothing of value to better the situation. When I snapped, I knew I needed to walk away and find some peace. Away from any annoyances.

TIP: When a person is focused on a task, do not hover over said person.

Hovering is aggravating and, quite frankly, rude! Add to that annoyance, useless rhetoric pouring from the hover-er’s mouths and you create an equation for a rather large explosion….which is exactly what I did…I exploded on an entire household of people, starting with the in-laws. I ended my rant with yelling, “I give up. We just won’t have a (insert F-bomb here) Christmas tree this year. No one else gives a damn, so why should I?” I then dropped the part of the tree I was working with, and left the task behind to search out some solitude within our home.

I joke that our poor tree has covid, but even laughing about this hasn’t helped my mood, which is usually my fix for an irritable attitude. Laughter being the best medicine, and all. But I have been grouchy for three days and I want left alone as much as possible. Our tree’s “illness” was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak, and I now need some down time to build myself back up. I don’t feel burned out, but I do feel mentally frazzled. I need to be alone so I can recharge my batteries and create order within myself.

To help myself recharge, I have spent two days milling around the house just doing the minimum to get through. I have fed everyone and kept the kids clean and in one piece but that is the greatest amount of effort I have been willing to put into each day. There is still an unlit, undecorated tree sitting in the corner of our dining room. I will fix it, eventually, but I simply have not had the urge to tackle that frustration yet.

So many people are feeling the pressure under the weight of this year. 2020 has been a dumpster fire and although 2021 is near, I don’t foresee the beginning of a new year bringing us rapid relief. The government insists on acting like grade school children -continuing to argue with one another, Covid-19 isn’t slowing down it’s spread, people have been distancing for so long that they are going stir crazy, and no one has an actual answer for how to fix the state of things. I know my hardest struggle has been with the schools being virtual this year. My kids hate online learning. I am overwhelmed with trying to keep all four children on track with their work and zoom schedules. Because of all of these struggles, I know many are experiencing the same frazzled feeling that I am right now. Hard to stay positive with everything in a state of unrest. Seems silly that through all this chaos going on in the world, what pushed my final button was a Christmas tree.

But- everyone has their limit, right?

I guess, I have just finally hit my limit. I have decided to do something I find joy in….BAKING! I have four different kinds of cookie batter mixed up, chilled, and ready for the oven. My plan is to finish this post and spend the rest of my day baking cookies. My thought process being, if I focus enough energy into baking, I will be better mentally prepared to deal with the ugly covid tree. Either way, the kids will be happy to have the treats. Hopefully, the sweet smell of the goodies baking will raise my spirits even higher….mixing up all has helped me a little already.