Stop Gaslighting Me
My emotions were never the problem. Your actions and words were the problems. You used my thoughts and feelings against me and shaped me into someone I couldn’t recognize. What did you really gain from breaking me down? I struggled for a while but I came back stronger from your abuse. I have learned so much from your attempts to subdue me and I will not be controlled by someone again.
I now have a superpower because I can spot the asshole in the room before anyone else. You have heightened my ability to read people and I am all the better because of this power. My time can be spent on the kind people who warm my soul and make life beautiful. It’s as if I can feel the warmth radiating from those beautiful people and I am drawn to their fervor. Many of my years were lost to your trials but those days are behind me now. I have detached your cold soul from mine and will continue to absorb the warmth from the joyful people now surrounding me.
I no longer speak to my mother. I don’t even know where she lives at this point, and it feels amazing to not care! My ex-husband continues to try to gaslight me. We have a son together so, unfortunately, cutting ties with him isn’t quite that simple. I will not allow him to bully me anymore though. When he tries to manipulate me, I call him out or hang up the phone and wash my hands of the situation. Do I still get nervous? Sure. Standing up to him scares the heck outta me but when all is said and done, I feel amazing. I was envious of the confident people who knew what they wanted and didn’t let others stunt them. Deciding that I mattered was the first step to becoming a confident person, because now I know I can stand up for myself. I will live out my days free from abuse because I have chosen to put myself above those who live in misery and cause chaos. I have decided to see my worth and find my strengths, therefore, making myself happier. Rebuilding what was destroyed has been a long and dark process, but I can finally say, “I’m good” and mean it… which is a huge deal to someone used to living behind a fake smile and sarcastic quips. Maintaining the facade and hiding my despair became a hefty burden. A weight no one should know.
To those reading my words and bearing that same weight, I employ you to find the strength to lighten your load. Discover your worth. This will not be an easy task but you’ve got this. Find strength in outside support. Speaking the truth can be scary but find someone you trust and allow them to know your pain. The more truth you show, the stronger you become, and the lighter the weight becomes. Just know that you are not alone. Many have gone through similar situations. I lived lonely years without someone I could open up to and I understand how hard it is to trust. Perhaps, begin by trusting yourself. Breaking the ties from my abusers, while possibly the hardest thing I’ve ever done, was so very worth it in the end.
